LYRICS
FOR 
(2004)
All songs written by Emil Hyde (c)2003/4 except "Disco Hammer" and "Rock and Roll Killed the Eskimos" by Nick Dye and Emil Hyde, "Tonight" by Iggy Pop and David Bowie, and "O Canada" by Calixa Lavallée and Sir Adolphe-Basile Routhier, translated by Mr. Justice Robert Stanley Weir.
01. The Gutter
02. Rock and Roll Killed the Eskimos
03. O Canada
04. Hockey Night
05. Disco Hammer
06. Lingfush
07. I Wanna Be
Your Car
08. Deadly Style
09. Evil Bob
10. The South Dakota Gluebag Connection
11. Beast
12. Come Out, Come
Out
13. Tonight
14. Hot, Wet & Sticky
The whole place stank like a sea monkey tank from people pissing off the porch out back
All the gutter punks were getting fucking drunk on the worst kind of bottom-shelf swill
We’re talking Colt, Ives, Mickey’s, banana Mad Dog 50-50, booger sugar through a two-dollar bill
Mashed potato tornado whipping through the kitchen
Bongwater dripping from a smashed glass tube
Heavy metal maniacs with their amps cranked to the max breaking windows in the living room
The whole time they were playing the neighbors came a-banging on the door saying “Turn it down!”
But the kids said “No - we aren’t gonna take it!
Don’t you know we got awesome sound?”
Welcome to the gutter (the gutter)
Does your mother know where you are?
Motherfucker (motherfucker)
Bring another six-pack up from the bar
Welcome to the gutter (the gutter)
Does mama know where you are?
Motherfucker (motherfucker)
Someone’s jacking your car
Bad moon on the rise, and things were getting mighty weird
Might have been a demon voodoo poltergeist… might have been the angel dust in the beer
A buff ragamuffin was kicking the stuffing out of some skinny hippie with Rasta braids
This fat sumo who I’d never seen before walked up and started licking my face
I thought it best not to protest, and tried to float above the fray
‘Til six in the morning, police at the door
Out the back window I made my escape
[chorus x2]
Buick…
Catherine Zeta-Jones, why you ho-in’ for cell phones?
Michael Douglas not doing it for you at home?
ROCK AND ROLL KILLED THE ESKIMOS
When I was a young boy, I listened to rock and rollAt night under the covers through a pair of old headphones
Momma she was worried, worried for my soul
Said “If you don’t change your ways you’ll be like Jimmy Page
And sell out to the devil!”
She said “Son, don’t you know…
Rock and roll killed the Eskimos
Rock and roll made them die
Melted all their igloos
Blew their kayaks to the sky
Woah-oh-oh-oh-oh
Rock and roll killed the Eskimos
Some say it was civilization
Some say global warming
Some say the formed a nation
And call themselves the Inuit
When I was a young man, I liked to play rock and roll
So I bought a guitar, joined a band
Rode in a van to shows
Met some lovely ladies of dubious morals
But Momma never changed her tune when I called her on the phone
She said “Son, you’d better come home
Don’t want to be a rolling stone, ‘cause
Rock and roll killed the Eskimos
And I don’t care what you think
Ripped up all their sealskin
Made the walruses go extinct
Woah-oh-oh-oh-oh
Rock and roll killed the Eskimos
Some say it was the White man
Some say it was the cold
Some say they’re still surviving
But I don’t know
[Polar bears, they don’t care, kinda glad they’re not there]
Kill me some Eskimos, man!
Rock and roll killed the Eskimos
Rock and roll killed them all
From out east in the Yukon
All the way to Alaska
Woah-oh-oh-oh-oh
Rock and roll killed the Eskimos
Rock and roll killed the Eskimos
Rock and roll made them die
Melted all their igloos
Blew their kayaks to the sky
Woah-oh-oh-oh-oh
Rock and roll killed the Eskimos
Some say it was the wolfman
Some say Dracula
Some say the all picked up and
Moved to Canada…
O CANADA
(by Calixa Lavallée and Sir Adolphe-Basile
Routhier, translated by Mr. Justice Robert Stanley Weir)
-BACK TO TOP-
HOCKEY NIGHT
High stick, you dick, do you want to fight?
[Hockey night…]
Checking and a-decking to the left and the right
[Hockey night…]
High stick, you dick, do you want to fight?
[Hockey night…]
Checking and a-decking to the left and the right
Hey, Bitch!
You better pass the puck
Otherwise my crew will have to rough you up
You may be slick on a pair of skates
But you won’t move so quick once I break your legs
Don’t give a damn if the ref puts me in the penalty box
‘Cause they’ll be carting your ass off in the ambulance
Keep telling yourself it’s just a sport
As you’re lying there breathing through life support
[It’s hockey night]
High stick, you dick, do you want to fight?
[Hockey night…]
Checking and a-decking to the left and the right
[Hockey night…]
Missing ten teeth, but I’m smiling bright
[Hockey night…]
Ain’t no fun ‘til there’s blood on the ice
Well you think you’re so bad ‘cause you’re Quebecois?
Let’s hear you parlez Francais with a broken jaw
So you were a big star back in the Russian league?
Too bad, Tavarish, this ain’t the C-C-C-P
Better watch your back, my friend
Or there’ll be nothing left for the zamboni man
‘Cause I hit low and I hit hard
Organ man, can I get a charge?
Hockey night, hockey night
High stick, you dick, do you want to fight?
Hockey night, hockey night
Checking and a-decking to the left and the right
[Hockey night…]
Missing ten teeth, but I’m smiling bright
[Hockey night…]
Ain’t no fun ‘til there’s blood on the ice
I got a thousand-dollar fine and a three-game suspension
You got a hairline fracture and a major concussion
Call me a goon, call me a thug
Just don’t make me take off these gloves
‘Cause like the Black Knight, we’re talking
[None shall pass]
Not without getting their ass smashed into the glass
Come on, Kid, if you want to live don’t be a fool
I got chunks of Bob Probert in my stool
Hockey night, hockey night
High stick, you dick, do you want to fight?
Hockey night, hockey night
Checking and a-decking to the left and the right
[Hockey night…]
Missing ten teeth, but I’m smiling bright
[Hockey night…]
Ain’t no fun ‘til there’s blood on the ice
No hat trick for you tonight, Bitch
More like fifteen staples in your face
-BACK TO TOP-
DISCO HAMMER
Disco hammer, barbarians and lightning rods
Disco hammer, you know what I mean
You got to find a disco hammer to enhance your self-esteem
I got money, with nothing to buy
I got love for ‘ya, Honey, but not enough time
I’m a jerk with no one to piss off
But if you want to be my Baby Boo, you gotta learn to shrug it off
Disco hammer, hammer of the gods
Disco hammer, barbarians and lightning rods
Disco hammer, you know what I mean
You got to find a disco hammer to fix your sex machine
Is it bad because it’s good
Or good because it’s bad?
Is it halfway between retarded and rad?
If you want to drink in public, you got to use a paper bag
Disco hammer’s here forever, no it ain’t just a fad
Disco hammer will rule the world
Disco hammer might get you a girl
Disco hammer might even get you laid
But the disco hammer doesn’t guarantee to pay
Hit me!
Hit me again!
I said HIT ME!
Is that all you got motherf$#&#?
Ninjas know how to kill silently
Astronauts know how to pee in zero gravity
Jim Morrison may be the Lizard King
But he who wields the disco hammer can do anything
Disco hammer, hammer of the gods
Disco hammer, barbarians and lightning rods
Disco hammer, you know what I mean
You got to find a disco hammer to enhance your self-esteem
Here come’a Lingfush, oozing down the street
He got a hankering for something sweet, but
He no want butter nor cream of wheat
The only thing that satisfy him is human meat
Here come’a Lingfush!
Here come’a Lingfush!
Here come’a Lingfush, rising from the deep
Trudging through the muck on a hundred froggy feet
He was just a wee baby when they flushed him down
But now he’s back to devour the town
Here come’a Lingfush!
Here come’a Lingfush!
Eamul-eamul nga nga Lingfush fthagen!
Here come’a Lingfush and you better run
He’ll suck your legs off with his filthy gums
His nostrils smell all, though his eyes be blind
Here come’a Lingfush, don’t he blow your mind?
Here come’a Lingfush!
Here come’a Lingfush!
Ling-fush, ling-fush, ling-fush, ling-fush
Purring like a mountain lion
Roaring down your street
Lipstick crimson metal skin
White leather bucket seats
Streamlined, I’m built for speed
Climb on in, I know you want to take a spin in me
Rev my engine into the red
Put me into gear
Move into the fast lane
Take you anywhere
Vroom vroom vroom
Boom boom boom
(x2)
Yeah, it’s kinda strange
As dreams go it’s bizarre
But if I could change my shape
I’d wanna be your car
Vroom vroom vroom
Boom boom boom
(x2)
I ain’t afraid to race against your other guys
I got turbo and a nitro tank to blow ‘em away off the line
I’ve got a ragtop, Baby, go ahead and roll it down
Sun shines on your face
Wind messing your hair around
New York to L.A., Canada to Mexico
Honey, I’ll take you anywhere
Anywhere you wanna go
Boom boom boom
Vroom vroom vroom
(x2)
Yeah, it’s kinda strange
As dreams go it’s bizarre
But if I could change my shape
I’d wanna be your car
Speed junkie, make my tires squeal
Hot grease monkey re-align my wheels
Stunt driver, put me over the top
Just don’t trash me
Just don’t crash me
Just don’t smash me up
And though it would be nice to relate as two human beings,
I’d be quite content being your machine
Vroom vroom vroom
Boom boom boom
(x2)
When you passed through my village you were inexcusably
rude,
Bitch-slapped my uncle and dismissed my kung-fu
Knocked over our noodle stand, spilled the moo-shoo,
Now I know what honor demands I must do
Way of the tiger, way of the crane
I’m gonna show you a world of pain
Way of the dragon, way of the snake
There’s not a bone in your body I ain’t gonna break
You’re not ready for my deadly style
(x3)
[It’s driving all the honeys in Hong Kong wild]
You’re not ready for my deadly style
(x3)
[It’s driving all the sisters in Shanghai wild]
Went to the dojo to get into shape
Sensei took a crowbar and whacked me in the face
I said “Master, was that your secret technique?”
He said “Hell no, I’m just blowing off steam,
Now take out the garbage and Windex the glass
Hot wax my Caddy, sew the holes in my pants
Plant some petunias, mow the grass
Come back tomorrow, I’ll teach you how to kick ass
Way of the tiger, way of the crane
I’m gonna show you a world of pain
Way of the dragon, way of the snake
There’s not a bone in your body I ain’t gonna break
You’re not ready for my deadly style
(x3)
[It’s driving all the honeys in Hong Kong wild]
You’re not ready for my deadly style
(x3)
[It’s driving all the bitches in Beijing wild]
You’re not ready for my deadly style
(x3)
[It’s driving all the honeys in Hong Kong wild]
You’re not ready for my deadly style
(x3)
[It’s driving all the sisters in Shanghai wild]
Shaolin showdown
Wu-shu beatdown
Tai-chi smackdown
Time to get down
You’re not ready for my deadly style
(x3)
[It’s driving all the honeys in Hong Kong wild]
You’re not ready for my deadly style
(x3)
[It’s driving all the bitches in Beijing wild]
You’re not ready for my deadly style
(x3)
[It’s driving all the honeys in Hong Kong wild]
You’re not ready for my deadly style
(x3)
[It’s driving all the sisters in Shanghai wild]
What does it mean?
Dwarves and giants in my dreams
What does it mean?
The owls aren’t what they seem
What does it mean?
Babe, I’d never cause you harm
But Evil Bob got in my arm
And made me do evil stuff
And so I had to chop it off
Babe I’d never wish you ill
But Evil Bob wants me to kill
Bob is Bob, ready for fun
He wears a smile, everybody run.
What’s going on?
Everyone’s talking backwards
What’s going on?
A plastic-wrapped corpse
What’s going on?
There’s dirt under your fingernails
What’s going on?
Babe, I’d never cause you harm
But Evil Bob got in my arm
And made me do freaky stuff
‘Cause Evil Bob, he likes it rough
Babe I’d never wish you ill
But Evil Bob wants me to kill
Bob is Bob, ready for fun
He wears a smile, everybody run.
Through the fires of futures past,
The magician longs to see
One voice chants out between two worlds
Fire, walk with me
Babe, I’d never cause you harm
But Evil Bob got in my arm
And made me do freaky stuff
And so I had to chop it off
Babe I’d never wish you ill
But Evil Bob wants me to kill
Bob is Bob, ready for fun
He wears a smile, everybody run.
Laura / Laura / L-l-l-l-Laura
We’re all gonna miss ‘ya
Babe, I’d never cause you harm
But Evil Bob got in my arm
And made me do crazy stuff
And so I had to saw it off
Babe I’d never wish you ill
But Evil Bob wants me to kill
Bob is Bob, ready for fun
He wears a smile, everybody run.
Babe, I’d never cause you harm
But Evil Bob got in my arm
And made me do twisted stuff
And so I had to gnaw it off
Babe I’d never wish you ill
But Evil Bob wants me to kill
Bob is Bob, ready for fun
He wears a smile, everybody run.
THE SOUTH DAKOTA GLUEBAG CONNECTION
In the Badlands [of South Dakota]Where you can’t get coke [unless it’s cola]
And nobody knows where to score some smack
So they load their hypos with Stroh’s and Pabst
And even marijuana costs fifty for an eighth
[‘Cause you’re a long, long way from Juarez, Buey]
So what’s a country boy to do, except grab a bag and huff some glue?
Glue huffin’!
(What’s up?)
Nothin’
(x4)
In the rock quarry with my friend’s girl Laurie
We drank a couple fourties, she started getting horny
Said “Won’t you come on over? My parents they aren’t home…”
“What about your man?”
”He doesn’t have to know?”
We did it in the bedroom and we did it in the hall
Down on the carpet and up against the wall
Went to the kitchen to get myself a drink
Had a peek at what they kept underneath the sink:
Lysol, Pine Sol, Lemon-fresh Glade
[WD-40, Ajax, Raid]
Drano, Clorox, turpentine…
[Scotch-Guard makes me lose my mind!]
Glue huffin’!
(What’s up?)
Nothin’
(x4)
You can huff glue ‘til your face turns blue and you can’t sustain an erection
But that won’t impress the good ‘ol boys at the South Dakota Gluebag Connection
No, they don’t need fancy motorcars
Or pretty girls’ affection
All they need’s some epoxy to get their satisfaction
We’re talkin’…
Glue huffin’!
(What’s up?)
Nothin’
(x6 or 8, I lose count)
The fishermen pull in their nets
And recoil in horror from their catch
Hanging there, staring back at them
Neither fish nor whale
Lacking fins or a tail
Just a mass of blue-green scales
Surrounding a bloodshot, lidless, unblinking eye…
Grendel lurks beside the path
And waits for the hunter to step into his trap
As snow falls in the vale
Leaps out and strikes him dead
Sucks the brains out of his head
Flosses with the spine
Leaves the rest behind for the wolves
And mutters “What’s the point?”
The beast emits a blood-curdling cry
But the gods that dwell in darkness offer no reply
He hangs his fang’ed head, claws at his own eyes
Having lost the will to live, the beast decides to die.
The monster howls at the moon in the sky
But there is no answer, the night does not reply
The dragon and the madman, neither one could tell him why
Having lost the will to live, the beast decides to die.
-BACK TO TOP- Vultures circle over me
Coyotes gnaws at my size
Without hope of surviving
I look to the horizon
Saw a white dish a thousand yards wide
Come out, come out wherever you are
Come down from the clouds
Come down from the stars
Come show us the way, come show us the truth
‘Cause we got a lot of evolving to do
Voyager one floating out where the sun’s
Rays fade into dark
Bearing salutations in every translation
And directions from fourteen pulsars
Singing hydrogen code from a record of gold
‘Bout a country boy and his guitar….
Come out, come out wherever you are
Come down from the clouds
Come down from the stars
Come down and stop all the killing and war
We need you now more than ever before
And though to your eyes we must seem
Closer to roaches than civilized beings
Please don’t roast us in fire and flame
Please don’t eat us, you’d hate how we taste
If you show mercy and stay your hand, we promise we can change
We promise to behave…
Come out, come out wherever you are
Come down from the clouds
Come down from the stars
Come down in your saucers, in your UFOs
Come down and show us that we’re not alone
TONIGHT
(By Iggy Pop and David Bowie)
To the sound of a chainsaw’s roar
When a man with a face like mashed potatoes
Came barging through my door
He held his chainsaw aloft
High up over his head
As he started cutting me up
This is what I think I thought he said…
“I wanna die a hot, wet, and sticky death
I wanna die a hot, wet, and sticky death
I wanna die a hot, wet, and sticky death
Don’t wanna die in a hospital bed”
It was a lonely Saturday night
When my baby rose from the grave
Clawed through her coffin lid
And staggered over to my place
Flesh was falling in chunks
Off of her pretty face
As I began to peel off her skin
Think I thought I heard her say:
“I wanna make some hot, wet, and sticky love
I wanna make some hot, wet, and sticky love
Some rootin’-tootin’ spoo-shootin’ push n’ shove
Right here on your bed”
Tortured by his demons
Grandpa ran howling into the street
All the way to Piggly Wiggly
Where he started getting freaky in the meat
Dripping Witch Hazel
Jazzing to the bossa-nova musak beat
As they slapped on the cuffs and were hauling him off,
Think I heard him tell the police…
“I wanna die a hot, wet, and sticky death
I wanna die a hot, wet, and sticky death
I wanna die a hot, wet, and sticky death
Don’t wanna die in a hospital bed
I wanna die a hot, wet, and sticky death
I wanna die a hot, wet, and sticky death
I wanna die a hot, wet, and sticky death
Don’t wanna die in a hospital bed, no!”